He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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