Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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