I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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