Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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