Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
