Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His hands were made for my vagina.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
