one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
