I'm jealous of your bromance
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
