He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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