i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
