Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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