closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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