That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
