I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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