It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
