Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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