haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
