My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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