I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
