how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
