I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
