I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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