I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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