You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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