no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
