yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
