Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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