walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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