Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
