I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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