I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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