it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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