Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and she was petting her beer can
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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