are you so shy because you have an std?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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