u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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