Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
