Are we in a gay sports bar?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
