So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need a beard to bite.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had to cum in my sink.
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