weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
