what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
