The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
