grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
