Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
