Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
