she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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