I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
