so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
