Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
