i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
