I can text with my tongue
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's always time for handjobs
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
