I can't breathe out the right side of my face
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
