I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
