she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
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I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize