Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Randomize
