In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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