If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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