dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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