My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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