You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
