So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
And then he peed in my hair
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