Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
