eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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