I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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