Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
